There are things happening, moving so fast I feel like if I stop for even a moment I'm going to fall off. Planning what to do for the rest of your life is a lot easier when the present isn't in so much flux. I have ideas, things I'd like to do if only they'll work out - proving all those Brits right by moving to Canada, but only if the University accepts me for grad school. And then what to do before then? I have dreams of a working holiday in Oz or New Zealand the summer between graduating and grad school, but first everything else has to go right. These days it just seems like that's a lot to ask for.
09 July 2009
Slipping away
There are things happening, moving so fast I feel like if I stop for even a moment I'm going to fall off. Planning what to do for the rest of your life is a lot easier when the present isn't in so much flux. I have ideas, things I'd like to do if only they'll work out - proving all those Brits right by moving to Canada, but only if the University accepts me for grad school. And then what to do before then? I have dreams of a working holiday in Oz or New Zealand the summer between graduating and grad school, but first everything else has to go right. These days it just seems like that's a lot to ask for.
07 June 2009
It's getting better all the time
I pulled our old smoothie machine (basically blender with a pour spout) out of the closet as soon as I returned home, and since then I've had frozen yoghurt for breakfast every morning, mixing plain yoghurt with frozen fruit and soymilk, sticking it in an old yoghurt tub and then putting it in the freezer, and eating it with granola in the morning. This has been doing wonders for me - it's like an ice cream substitute which satisfies my craving for sweets without having any sugar except from the fruit proper, and thus not only am I eating more healthily in general but also when I do succumb to my desire for junk food I instantly get a stomachache, and therefore have started to develop an aversion. Amazing! Those who know me personally will realise what a feat this is for me; I am beyond addicted to chocolate and cookies, so the first step to getting healthier is eating healthily.
Of course the other half of this challenge is getting exercise. This has always been a problem for me. I'm quite lazy by nature, often choosing television and video games over going outside. However, now that I no longer have regular internet access I've started going outside more frequently, and to really start encouraging myself (as well as my parents) I ended up buying a Wii Fit this past week. Every day since I've been pushing myself to do the activities, spend at least half an hour with the yoga and strength training and such that it offers. I find mixing these with the feedback of a video game can really motivate me - in less than a week I'm down two kilos and really starting to feel better about myself. I was convinced that I would get this kind of benefit from living in Europe, but since I spent all my time exploring and not bothering to check my diet despite all of the exercise I got from walking about all of those cities, it never happened. It's motivation, really, that counts. I don't have much time left...
A deadline? No, not really. I just... Since I'm taking this fifth year of school I want to be the person I really want to be in life when I finish, and hopefully make it into grad school making the impression I want to be making for the rest of my life. Self confidence! I want to be in real life the person I am on the internet.
Of course the other half of this challenge is getting exercise. This has always been a problem for me. I'm quite lazy by nature, often choosing television and video games over going outside. However, now that I no longer have regular internet access I've started going outside more frequently, and to really start encouraging myself (as well as my parents) I ended up buying a Wii Fit this past week. Every day since I've been pushing myself to do the activities, spend at least half an hour with the yoga and strength training and such that it offers. I find mixing these with the feedback of a video game can really motivate me - in less than a week I'm down two kilos and really starting to feel better about myself. I was convinced that I would get this kind of benefit from living in Europe, but since I spent all my time exploring and not bothering to check my diet despite all of the exercise I got from walking about all of those cities, it never happened. It's motivation, really, that counts. I don't have much time left...
A deadline? No, not really. I just... Since I'm taking this fifth year of school I want to be the person I really want to be in life when I finish, and hopefully make it into grad school making the impression I want to be making for the rest of my life. Self confidence! I want to be in real life the person I am on the internet.
06 May 2009
anciens amours
It is no secret that I am especially obsessed with Doctor Who. There are many many reasons for this, but a few in particular stick out in my mind...
- The Doctor (at least in the old series) is portrayed as an asexual character. This is especially rare, and something I can genuinely identify with. It's nice to have a good role model in this sense, instead of characters who "aren't getting any" being scorned by others. Some people are perfectly content never having relationships beyond friendship! I for one would love travelling around with a good friend, without any sort of pressure to keep something going on.
- Travel. Sure, he does it through space and time, but this is the life I envy. Constantly moving, never staying in one place too long, but seeing everything! I know I'd never be satisfied with the same old dull routine, and the ability to wander wherever I like whenever I'd like is something I would give anything for.
- The philosophy! He's generally pacifistic, uses violence as a last resort. And I get the feeling that while there is something out there in the great beyond that we couldn't possibly begin to comprehend, it isn't necessary to do anything special about it. Just keep exploring and learning; curiosity is your greatest asset. Even if there is a life after death, why should that stop us from making the most of this one we have now? As long as we're not actively performing evil deeds, I think it's enough. And of course, if you can help people out, you always should!
Okay, so that was a complicated explanation to bring me to the real point of this little rant.
I wasn't always so obsessed with this show.
Now, I have been aware of it for as long as I can remember, even enjoyed episodes I had seen in my youth as with many other shows, unawares of how much I would later adore them. Finally starting to watch the revived series is what brought me to the above realizations. However, until that point, there was a different scifi universe that embodied my beliefs, and was as close as I had come to finding something I could really imagine myself as part of.
That was, of course, Star Trek.
From when I first discovered The Next Generation at a very young age (I was only a year old when it premiered, after all) I was truly hooked. I decided I too would go into space someday, and until I went to Japan in high school I had a singular goal of becoming an astronaut. I planned my activities around when Voyager was on, and even in Japan I spent a lot of time watching DS9 reruns. When I still had cable I would often watch marathons of the original on the scifi channel. I rewatched the entirety of TNG my freshman year of college between watching it on Spike in my dorm in Colorado and checking out DVD box sets from the Orange County library in Orlando. I had my first roleplaying experiences in chatroom Star Trek simulations - I was but 10 when I started but still worked up through the ranks quite quickly thanks to my vast knowledge of the subject matter; these groups were large and had complicated ranking and promotion systems. I loved the authenticity. It wasn't long before I was "Captain" of my own ship and crew for a weekly sim, those were some of the best days I've had, delving deeply into the backstories of many a character I had created. I almost miss 1998 for all of that; I haven't seen groups like the ones I was in for a long time.
That was the vast majority of my life! The only "obsessions" I've had that remotely compare were with baseball and the Beatles, neither of which has completely left me.
And I think it's safe to say: neither has Star Trek.
Two days before the reimagined movie comes out in America, I have already seen it. Sure, I had to watch it in French, in a theatre with only a dozen people among which I was the only female. I had nobody to gush about it with afterward.
But I was still blown away.
I'll probably see it again when I get to England next week, just to hear the dialogue as it should be. Okay, who am I kidding, it was just that good I'd see it regardless.
Sorry Doctor, but an old flame has stolen my heart once more. At least for today.
- The Doctor (at least in the old series) is portrayed as an asexual character. This is especially rare, and something I can genuinely identify with. It's nice to have a good role model in this sense, instead of characters who "aren't getting any" being scorned by others. Some people are perfectly content never having relationships beyond friendship! I for one would love travelling around with a good friend, without any sort of pressure to keep something going on.
- Travel. Sure, he does it through space and time, but this is the life I envy. Constantly moving, never staying in one place too long, but seeing everything! I know I'd never be satisfied with the same old dull routine, and the ability to wander wherever I like whenever I'd like is something I would give anything for.
- The philosophy! He's generally pacifistic, uses violence as a last resort. And I get the feeling that while there is something out there in the great beyond that we couldn't possibly begin to comprehend, it isn't necessary to do anything special about it. Just keep exploring and learning; curiosity is your greatest asset. Even if there is a life after death, why should that stop us from making the most of this one we have now? As long as we're not actively performing evil deeds, I think it's enough. And of course, if you can help people out, you always should!
Okay, so that was a complicated explanation to bring me to the real point of this little rant.
I wasn't always so obsessed with this show.
Now, I have been aware of it for as long as I can remember, even enjoyed episodes I had seen in my youth as with many other shows, unawares of how much I would later adore them. Finally starting to watch the revived series is what brought me to the above realizations. However, until that point, there was a different scifi universe that embodied my beliefs, and was as close as I had come to finding something I could really imagine myself as part of.
That was, of course, Star Trek.
From when I first discovered The Next Generation at a very young age (I was only a year old when it premiered, after all) I was truly hooked. I decided I too would go into space someday, and until I went to Japan in high school I had a singular goal of becoming an astronaut. I planned my activities around when Voyager was on, and even in Japan I spent a lot of time watching DS9 reruns. When I still had cable I would often watch marathons of the original on the scifi channel. I rewatched the entirety of TNG my freshman year of college between watching it on Spike in my dorm in Colorado and checking out DVD box sets from the Orange County library in Orlando. I had my first roleplaying experiences in chatroom Star Trek simulations - I was but 10 when I started but still worked up through the ranks quite quickly thanks to my vast knowledge of the subject matter; these groups were large and had complicated ranking and promotion systems. I loved the authenticity. It wasn't long before I was "Captain" of my own ship and crew for a weekly sim, those were some of the best days I've had, delving deeply into the backstories of many a character I had created. I almost miss 1998 for all of that; I haven't seen groups like the ones I was in for a long time.
That was the vast majority of my life! The only "obsessions" I've had that remotely compare were with baseball and the Beatles, neither of which has completely left me.
And I think it's safe to say: neither has Star Trek.
Two days before the reimagined movie comes out in America, I have already seen it. Sure, I had to watch it in French, in a theatre with only a dozen people among which I was the only female. I had nobody to gush about it with afterward.
But I was still blown away.
I'll probably see it again when I get to England next week, just to hear the dialogue as it should be. Okay, who am I kidding, it was just that good I'd see it regardless.
Sorry Doctor, but an old flame has stolen my heart once more. At least for today.
01 May 2009
every now and then
Lately I've been eating a lot of pasta, grilled cheese, eggs, drinking a lot of coffee and tea and lemonade, basically trying to eat everything I have left while avoiding buying more. It's a delicate balance - I don't want to waste anything but I'm not going to have much room in my bags. I'm slowly packing up and clearing out; I have my "recycling corner" and my little trash can, waiting for me to put on some pants and take them outside. At the same time I'm trying to read and research for one last paper, and with just a week left I'm having trouble forcing myself to do it - so much else I want to do one last time or make sure is ready before I go to Nice so I can grab my bags and leave when I get back.
Basically all the glass jars I've repurposed will be recycled when I leave, the bottles of oil and vinegar given to my programme office, the cleaning supplies probably left behind. It's just window cleaner and dish soap anyway.
The clouds of milk in my coffee are swirling around, making mesmerizing shapes. I don't want to read this book, I just want to kill time thoroughly.
Basically all the glass jars I've repurposed will be recycled when I leave, the bottles of oil and vinegar given to my programme office, the cleaning supplies probably left behind. It's just window cleaner and dish soap anyway.
The clouds of milk in my coffee are swirling around, making mesmerizing shapes. I don't want to read this book, I just want to kill time thoroughly.
30 April 2009
bad dreams
I don't want to go to bed
'Cause all these voices in my head
Are clawing at me like a nightmare
Seems every time I close my eyes
I slowly start to realize
That these dreams will always be there
'Cause all these voices in my head
Are clawing at me like a nightmare
Seems every time I close my eyes
I slowly start to realize
That these dreams will always be there
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